


Being What You Are

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: First Times, Humor, M/M, Plot What Plot, Romance, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 01:55:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/792698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair comes home unexpectedly to find Jim dancing to a disco song.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Being What You Are

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Cao who gave a 2 hour beta job on this piece of smut. Fastest beta of the west! 

## Being What You Are

by Aaboe

Author's webpage: <http://www.squidge.org/~theforest/aaboe/aaboe.html>

Author's disclaimer: Do we have to keep spreading salt in THAT particular wound? Oh well... no, I don't own them. I just play with them and put them back sated and rumpled.

The song mentioned in here is Gloria Gaynor's "I am what I am", which, very appropriately, was used as the go-home-song of a gay/lesbian group in Denmark I attended a few parties of. If you don't know it, pity... great song! 

Warning: do NOT take a boring course and start thinking of such a song and how Jim would look dancing to it! 

More seriously tho, smarm (enough that ppl are asking me if I've had a personality change), smut and vague attempts at humor. 

Read it at your own risk :) 

Feedback muchly appreciated!

* * *

Being What You Are  
By Aaboe 

'What an absolutely perfect day,' Blair thought as he looked up to the sky. Smiling brightly at the clear blue sky, feeling only a gentle wind ruffle his curls, he soaked in the heat of a late spring sun for a moment. 

The day had really been good to him: his classes had been light, and all students seemed to have done their homework. They actually asked some intelligent questions. His office hours had been cut short due to the absence of students, so here he was, Friday early afternoon and nothing to do but get home and start on the weekend. 

Dashing to his almost trustworthy Volvo, Blair pondered his plans for the weekend. Lately he'd not really been interesting in lining up yet another pointless date just for the sake of getting some relief. It was more satisfying to be in Jim's company, whether it was with a game, sitting around talking, or going places together. 

Blair didn't want to think too much of the why's of that, he much preferred to enjoy it and think of these things later... much later. 

The drive home was spent listening to Offspring and bouncing around in his seat to the heavy beat blasting from his speakers. For a minute he amused himself with what Jim would think of the music, 'turn that noise DOWN, Sandburg'. Chuckling and turning the volume a notch higher, he turned down on Prospect Ave. 

He turned off the car just at the "come out and play" line, and couldn't help but think that that's what he wanted to do... shoot a few hoops perhaps, or just shoot the shit. Didn't really matter, as long as it was with his roommate and best buddy. 

Taking the stair 2 steps at a time while fishing for keys quickly brought him to #307, where he stopped dead in his tracks. There was something wrong. 

Music. 

LOUD music. 

From behind the door. 

What the hell was going on? It was NOT Santana or anything even remotely like it. It was... disco? 

"It's my life   
That I want to have a little pride in  
My life  
Then it's not a place I have to hide in  
Life's not worth a damn  
'till you can shout out:  
I am what I am" 

Completely mystified Blair opened the door and stepped in to something he'd never thought he'd see. His roommate was dancing around in the living room, singing along to the song. He was loud, but almost on key. Dumbstruck, Blair just watched as the song finished and started again. 

The soft start was symbolized with Jim standing almost folded in on himself, then when the drumbeat started he spun and crouched in one fluid movement to explode into action immediately afterwards. 

Amazed that his non-dancing partner knew _those_ kinds of moves, Blair just watched with big eyes how Jim spun and twirled around the living room, eyes tightly closed until the jubilant finale of the song. He ended up standing with his arms outstretched over his head a look of pure joy on his face. 

Blair couldn't help it. He just _knew_ it would embarrass Jim immensely, but this was just priceless. He clapped. 

Spinning around to a defensive half-crouch Jim spotted him. A blush started working its way up from his chest until the roots of his hair. 

"When did you get here, Sandburg?" 

"Oh, about one and a half song ago. Don't you think you should turn it a bit down? And how on Earth can your ears tolerate that level?" 

With the music abruptly switched off, Blair found his own ears ringing with the absence of sound. Shaking his head to clear it, he focused back on his roommate. 

Jim looked at something seemingly very interesting on the pole while mumbling something about having it dialed down so he could enjoy it at full blast. 

Blair got himself a beer from the fridge and got a second one for Jim. After that workout he'd need the fluids... not to mention the singing must have dried him out. Setting them both down on the coffee table he tilted his head and beckoned Jim over. 

"Come on, man. I sense a story behind this... and this I gotta hear!" 

Blushing a bit deeper Jim remained stubbornly where he was, still not looking at Blair. 

"Don't you even want a beer? Hey, I don't bite, you know. I just want to hear what brought this on. I've never seen you like this before. You're really something, you know." 

This brought Jim to focus on him immediately, sight zeroing in on him for long seconds. A tiny smile appeared, then the muscled body relaxed slightly before slowly moving over to the couch. 

"Oh yeah?" 

"Yeah. You're like a cat... all grace and fluid movements... like the panther!" 

Quirking his lips in a tiny smile, Jim sat down and grabbed his beer. Just as he lifted to drink, he mumbled something almost into the bottle. 

"What did you say? I couldn't hear you... remember, you're the Sentinel around here!" 

"I said that Andy used to say that too." 

"Who's Andy?" 

Jim looked at him seriously, making him feel like those blue eyes of his were inspecting his soul. 

"Before I continue, Chief, I need to know that we'll always stay friends." 

Blair was taken aback. This sounded more serious than the prospective blackmail material he'd expected. Thinking of what Jim possibly could have to tell that could risk that, he flashed on his feelings for this weekend. Just wanting to be in the company of his best friend. Not something he'd ever experienced before. 

Not that he'd had any best friends before, but still. He couldn't imagine a single thing that could change that viewpoint. Not Covert Ops stuff, not marriage, nothing. 

"You're my best friend, Jim. Nothing can change that." 

Flashing him a strange look, Jim took a deep breath. 

"I heard this song in the truck on my way back from the Station. It brought back some memories and I just had to hear it again. Experience those feelings again." 

Blair was puzzled. What did this have to do with the name Andy? 

"Don't say anything yet, Chief. If you interrupt me, I might never get the courage again." 

Blair closed his mouth again. He remembered his beer and took a mouthful before nodding encouragingly to Jim. 

"Andy was... this song... oh, to hell with it. Andy was my first lover and this was our song. We used to go dancing to this." 

Mind whirling, Blair watched as Jim tensed up and looked down to where his hands were peeling the beer label off. Seeing the jaw muscle jump furiously made him think again, but he wasn't sure. 

"Jim? Andy was short for...?" 

"Andrew. Andrew Claythorne. My classmate in college. Now you know it all, Chief." 

Jim? Jim and another guy? Dancing? What the...? 

No longer able to contain his energy Blair rose from the couch. Jim's head snapped up, eyes bright and full of pain. 

"Chief?" 

Nothing but a hoarse whisper. 

"I need to think, Jim. You know I do that best while walking around. I'm not going anywhere, man. Chill out." 

Pacing between the balcony and the couch seemed to help the nervous energy, but it didn't stop his thoughts from spinning faster and faster. 

Lover. He'd said they were lovers. His first lover, even. That meant... that meant that Jim was sleeping with this guy. Jim having sex with a man. His mind immediately conjured images of a naked Jim entwined with a faceless male body, writhing on a set of sheets, whispering words of love and desire. 

His heart backstabbed him then by clenching hard, sending his stomach into sympathetic pains. Almost doubling over, causing a worried look to be cast his way from the couch, he quickly shook his head and thought further. 

His mind was particularly helpful, conjuring up new images. This time it was of a naked Jim on a bed, alone. He smiled at the sheer raw power radiating from coiling muscles. Next image was of himself walking over to Jim, naked as the day he was born, and erect. What? 

Once again his body overruled his mind by being _very_ interested in that last image, and the ones coming afterwards: of he and Jim together, rolling on Jim's big bed. Blair distinctly heard Jim say 'I love you', before he snapped back into the present. 

"Are you gay? Or bi? Or what? And why haven't you told me?" 

Slow as evolution Jim lifted his head to look at him. 

"I've always thought I was bi, but lately I've had reason to think otherwise." 

'Oh my god, NO! He's not going to tell me this and then say he's found this gorgeous woman!' 

"Why's that?" 

Throat so tight he could barely speak, Blair was amazed his words were audible. 

"Chief... I've realized that most of the times I thought I was in love, I wasn't. In reality, I've only been in love twice in my life." 

Barely breathing, Blair awaited the next words as if his life depended on it. 

"First time was with Andy... and then came the person whom I'll love till the day I die." 

Face falling Blair started to turn away, thinking of what he needed to pack. 

"You." 

Blinking owlishly, Blair snapped back to look at Jim so fast he almost gave himself a whiplash. 

"What did you say?" 

Forcing himself to swallow, to at least try and alleviate some of the dryness of his throat, Blair felt a bit embarrassed at the almost clicking sound that caused. 

"You heard me alright, Sandburg." 

Jim made a great attempt at looking pissed off, but it was plain to the anthropologist that he was scared shitless. 'He's just put his entire life on the line... for me! God!' 

"You... you love me? Me?" 

A terse nod. 

Feeling his lungs start to work overtime, he turned around again, mind swirling even faster. Almost unconsciously he started voicing his thoughts. 

"I came home today, prepared to have a long, relaxed weekend with my best friend. He's been on my mind a lot lately, but I never permitted myself to pursue those thoughts. No way, much too dangerous. Besides, what do two guys _do_ with each other? Oh god... seems like I can imagine that part alright." 

Still pacing, he cast a thoughtful look back to the couch. Jim was sitting with a little smile tugging his lips but otherwise perfectly statue-like. 

"So now it seems like I've been deceiving myself, right? I mean, 30 years of happy hetero thoughts and boinking women, and now? When the heck did I find the time to fall in love with a guy? And how come I didn't know that was possible for me?" 

Stopping for a moment, Blair picked slowly at his lower lip, still staring at his best friend. 

"Jim? Am I a repressed bastard?" 

Jim couldn't help it, he laughed outright. 

"Oblivious, perhaps, but not repressed, Chief. Jesus, how do you come up with these kinds of things?" 

Blair couldn't really make up his mind whether to be insulted or amused at that reaction. He stuck with pouting for a few seconds and then giving in to the big smile tickling his insides. 

"Oblivious, huh?" 

"Yeah. You are. I've been trying to give you hints ever since we met and you just happily went about your business as an observer and Guide and lover of women." 

Jim's face closed off a little, the smile fading completely. 

"That's why I couldn't resist when I heard the song today... I could at least bring out some memories." 

Not able to handle the Ellison wall after seeing such openness, Blair spanned the distance between them in a blink of the eye. Finding himself holding his best friend in a very tight embrace, intimacy for once not scaring him, he soaked up the luxurious heat of the muscled body in his arms. 

"Forgive me for being oblivious, Jim. I didn't know. Or maybe I didn't _let_ myself know. You know?" 

"Nuh-uh... I won't forgive you. You'll have to make up for it." 

"Jim?" 

Pulling back a bit so he could look up into those hauntingly blue eyes, he searched for a clue. 

"Start by giving me a kiss so I know you're serious." 

Smiling brightly, Blair obliged and immediately lost himself in the heat and softness of Jim's mouth. This was not in any way like kissing a woman. The mouth was wider somehow, more aggressive and knowing what it wanted, plus the beard stubble was a dead give-away. 

Frantically wondering for a second, if he would get a rash from the stubble, that thought mutated to something quite different. Would people be able to see that he'd been kissing a man? That he'd been kissing Jim? That he in fact was wildly enjoying kissing Jim? Moaning softly he gave up thinking and tried to dive in deeper to his new lover. 

Breaking apart for much-needed air, he looked at Jim. Skin flushed, hair spiking from Blair's hands roaming in what was there of it, eyes a deeper hue that he'd ever seen before. 

"I love you, Blair." 

That was all that was needed to dive in again. Blair was fully attentive to their mouths fusing together, so he didn't notice the pair of hands roaming on his back until they glided to his ass, holding him tight against a branding heat hidden in Jim's slacks. 

He froze. 

Even his tongue stopped moving, and he must have looked utterly silly standing there like that. 

"Blair?" 

"Um, I... I... got surprised." 

"Because of this," Jim squeezed his butt affectionately, "or this," grinding their hips together, letting him feel beyond a doubt that yes, that was a hard dick in there. A very hard, very large dick. 

"Either... both... I don't know. It's just... so different, you know?" 

"Yeah, I know. Tell you what. I'll let you call the shots completely. I won't touch you unless you ask me to, and you don't have to make up for anything. You're forgiven a hundred times over for being oblivious." 

"I am?" 

"After damn near frying my entire nervous circuit I can't really blame you for not knowing, can I?" 

Laughing felt good, even if it was a strange mix between anxiety and arousal making it so husky. 

"I don't really know how to do this, Jim. I'm... I'm nervous, ok?" 

"You can do whatever you want, I'll let you know if something doesn't feel good. You can ask whatever you want, I promise to answer as well as I can. Deal?" 

A quick nod. 

"Yeah, deal." 

Feeling his cheeks being cupped by warm hands, Blair let his face be tilted upwards. He faced... love. Pure and simple. 

"Chief. If we're moving too fast, tell me. If you want to wait, it's ok. We don't have to do this now. It can wait. _I_ can wait!" 

Steeling himself, he moved his hips forward experimentally. Yes, there it was. That electrical feeling of their swollen groins meeting. Grinding slowly, he let his eyes flutter shut. 

Twin moans sounded, then Jim held his hips firm. How had he moved his hands so fast? 

"I love you, Jim. I want this. I didn't know I wanted it, but now that I know, I want it right now." 

He opened his eyes again, letting Jim see it all... desire, love, need. 

"If that made sense, that is." 

Smiling, Jim gave him a tiny kiss and an even tinier affirmative nod. 

"Then teach me how to love a man, Jim. I want to learn. I need to learn. Guide me." 

Moving as one, they slowly ascended the stairs to Jim's big bed. Taking time out to kiss and touch, they undressed. Never rushing, taking the time to learn all the sensitive areas on the bared pieces of skin, they got naked. Jim lay down on the bed, looking at him longingly. 

"You're even more gorgeous than I imagined." 

Clearing his throat of a treacherous lump, Blair tried hard not to squeak. 

"You imagined me?" 

"In my dreams I've made love with you a thousand times. This will be sweeter than them all together. I know it, because this is for real and not just a dream. It's a dream come true." 

Swallowing his emotions, Blair joined his new lover on the bed. For long minutes they just lay there, soaking up the feeling of being in the right place at the right time. Finally, they no longer could stand it and started touching again. 

Blair was amazed that someone so tough could be so soft. Still, it was nothing like the softness of a woman's skin and he delighted in the difference. This was raw silk with steel coiled underneath and so much better than anything else in the world. 

Their unrushed touching progressed until Blair experimentally touched an inviting little nipple in front of him. The resultant hiss made him hesitate, but Jim's pained, "no, go on," made him move his fingers again. The buds tightened, inviting further touch. 

Blair played with it until squirms made him aware that Jim was getting too sensitive there. Then he switched to the other one. Jim called out, arching his back into Blair's touch. Shaking his head and smiling like a madman, Blair marveled at the reaction to him, to what he was doing. 

Blair upped the ante by going back for more kisses now and then, kisses that had the potential of setting the house on fire. He felt so... right, doing this, touching this man in such an intimate way. And what a man. 

Blair started kissing his way down from Jim's jaw to collarbone, to chest, to... those tempting nipples. Switching from side to side soon had Jim crying out and clenching the sheets furiously. 

"Oh, please... feels so good. Let me do something, please, touch you, _please_." 

"Not yet, Jim. You will, but not yet." 

Blair let his fingers dance over a fluttering tummy and skirt around the rampant evidence of Jim's need. He didn't quite have the guts to touch _that_ yet. Balls were ok, though. And thighs. 

The moment he first touched the loose sack with their warm content, Jim spread his legs wide. Taken by surprise, Blair didn't move for a second or two. A thrust upwards shook him out of it, and he curled his fingers around the most fragile part of a man's anatomy. 

Whimpers floated through the air to his ears, but he didn't really register it until one of his fingers accidentally strayed further down to touch a hot, moist place. Jim thrust violently with his hips and choked off a cry. 

'Oh my god... Jim wants... but that's impossible...' 

Looking up at Jim's face he saw raw need as he'd never seen it on anyone before in his entire life. His lips were moving, but only small whimpers came forth, his fists were clenched so tightly in the sheets that they looked like they could rip any moment. 

Blair looked further down. Jim's cock looked more than ready to burst. Reaching out with his other hand, smoothly curling up to sit between Jim's legs, he stroked a finger down the length wondrously. 

"You want me that much?" 

A louder whimper. 

"What do you want, Jim. Tell me." 

"Oh god... touch me... love me... yes, just like that..." 

Slowly making a loose fist around the large cock sprouting from Jim's groin, he kept up the caresses, remembering belatedly to move the other hand as well. Thinking of the strong reaction to that single finger further down, he released the sack and let two fingers ghost over the perineum to circle the hole hidden deep in the cleft of Jim's ass. 

Suddenly a strong hand closed over his wrist, stilling his lazy up-and-down movements. 

"Fuck me, please?" 

Blair looked from what his right hand was doing up to Jim's face, he searching for words. Shock spreading through his system was fast overtaken by tremendous desire. 

"Yes. Make love to me. Please, Blair. I... I need it. I need you. Please." 

Blair looked down at Jim's ass, to his own cock then back up to Jim's face. 

"Teach me how. I've never tried anything like that..." 

"Ever done a girl that way?" 

Blair shook his head. 

"I'll teach you how." 

Jim reached over to the nightstand to get a tube and a condom. 

"I'd like you to know that I'm clean, and I know you are too. If you want to use them anyway, it's ok." 

Blair shook his head, causing Jim to flash him a blinding smile and fling the condom over the railing. 

"You need a lot of lube to do this. It's been a long while since I last bottomed, and you're not exactly small." 

Grabbing his hand, Jim poured a generous amount of the slippery stuff on his fingers. Placing the tube next to him, Jim then raised his legs, hugging his knees. 

"Go on... touch me. One finger first, then when I say so, a second one. Yessss... just like that." 

Staring raptly, Blair felt his finger being swallowed by molten heat. He was actually going to do this. He had a finger inside Jim's ass, in preparation for sticking his cock in there. Grasping his own cock in a vicious grip to stop the tingling from becoming a full-blown orgasm, he kept up the small movements with his finger until Jim told him to use two. 

"God, you're so hot, Jim. I never knew it could be this way. You're beautiful. Your cock is beautiful and I had no idea a guy's ass could be so sexy." 

Jim chuckled, causing his ass to flutter around Blair's fingers. It almost felt like it was opening like a flower, in small sets and bursts. It felt incredible. 

Without being asked, he inserted a third finger. Jim moaned deeply and stilled a bit. 

"Easy, move gently for a minute. God, it's been so long." 

Erection faltering at the thought that this was hurting Jim, Blair found himself with a hand free to caress the rapidly softening cock on his lover. A few tugs and the vice around his fingers relaxed, and the flesh in his hand swelled to the previous proportions. 

"Now... lube up yourself, use lots. And then... fuck me. Go in slow, let me get used to you." 

Hand shaking, Blair did as asked. Hesitating at the entrance, he looked apprehensively at Jim. 

"Isn't this a very strenuous position for you? I mean, wouldn't it be easier if you were on your back or something?" 

"I want to see you. Need to see you. Need to see this is not a dream." 

Conceding the point, Blair pushed in slowly. He gasped as he felt the hottest, tightest place he'd ever had his dick in slowly engulfing him. He'd thought his fingers were dipped in molten heat? This was a live volcano, his cock wouldn't make it out alive, it would be seared off at the root. 

Pausing halfway in to get his wits together, he then pulled out a bit, looking to see if all of it was still attached to his body. It was. The sight almost did him in, though. One very hard cock followed by balls, and underneath that a tautly stretched ring and his own cock stretching it. 

Sinking in deeper was being dipped in pleasure. Jim seemed to enjoy it just as much, if his moans and whimpers were anything to go by. Finally he was all the way in, and the sight of his bush resting against Jim's smooth ass was almost too much. 

"Oh god, Jim. I'm inside you! It's... incredible." 

Moist rippling around his length made him look up again. Jim's face was contorted, but not one shred of pain as far as he could discern. 

"Move, Sandburg. Come on... fuck me!" 

Who was he to disobey _that_ order? Slow thrusts progressed rapidly towards something hard and deep. 

"YES! Do it! Fuck me! Fuck meeeeeeee!" 

Blair desperately tried to hold back, to cling to the last bits of his control. This was too good, too hot, too... right. Opening eyes he hadn't realized had slid shut, he saw Jim fisting his cock furiously. 

"Harder, Chief. I like it hard. I won't break. Come on... let go..." 

That being the last straw, Blair gave in to the animal roaring within. Pounding his lover he gave his all. Jim cried out with each stroke, keeping the same pace with his hand. For some strange reason they kept their gaze locked on each other, seeing every emotion, every sensation shimmering between them. They both knew it was a matter of seconds now before they would both explode. 

Twin shouts arose as first Jim arched his hips up to swallow the cock pounding him completely, and then Blair bent down to curl protectively over his lover while pumping his entire being into the hot ass surrounding him. 

Blair came to some moments later, lying sprawled on top of Jim. A lazy hand was drawing idle circles on his back while tiny kisses were scattered over his neck and shoulder. 

"Wow." 

Jim chuckled. 

"I take it you liked that?" 

Blair swatted feebly in the direction of Jim's hip and missing by a mile. 

"Jerk. I've never come that hard in my entire life. I've only got one question now, though..." 

"Which is?" 

"When can we do that again?" 

Both laughing, the Sentinel and the Shaman of the Great City met in a lazy kiss, promising each other many more in their joint future. 

* * *

End

 


End file.
